As parents, one of the most important things we can do for our children is to help them understand repentance. True repentance is more than just saying “sorry”—it’s an essential step toward spiritual growth and healthier relationships. In this post, we’ll explore how you can guide your child through the process of genuine repentance, moving beyond surface-level apologies to heart change.
The Challenge of Conflict
Conflict is inevitable, whether between siblings, friends, or even parent and child. While it can be uncomfortable, conflict also presents an opportunity for growth. Helping your children navigate these difficult moments in a biblical way is one of the most important gifts you can give them.
When we discipline our children or correct them for a wrong action, their natural response may not always be true repentance. Sometimes, they offer what we call “false repentance”—a quick, obligatory apology without any real change of heart. We’ve all seen it before: the crossed arms, a grumbled “sorry,” and the unmistakable look of frustration on their faces. The question is, how do we move from this shallow apology to true repentance?
False Repentance vs. True Repentance
False repentance often stems from negative thinking patterns. Children might feel bad, but not necessarily because they understand the wrong they’ve done. Instead, they might feel upset that they were caught or that they’re being punished. This can lead to feelings of self-pity, resentment, and even bitterness—none of which bring about the heart change we hope for.
On the other hand, true repentance is a gift from God. It’s the realization that sin is harmful and something to be turned away from. When children experience true repentance, they begin to understand the gravity of their actions and how those actions affect their relationship with others and with God. True repentance brings a sense of relief and freedom, drawing children closer to their parents and to God, rather than pushing them away.
Signs of True Repentance
How can you tell when your child is experiencing true repentance? Here are a few key signs:
- A Desire for Reconciliation: Instead of pulling away from you after being corrected, a child experiencing true repentance will move closer. They recognize that the correction came from a place of love and want to restore the relationship.
- A New Understanding of Sin: True repentance leads to a deeper understanding of sin. Children realize that their actions not only hurt others but also affect their relationship with God. They begin to see their need for a Savior and to appreciate the grace of Jesus Christ.
- Acceptance of Consequences: While no one enjoys punishment, a repentant child will accept the consequences of their actions without fighting them. They understand that discipline is for their good and that it is part of the process of growth.
- Commitment to Change: True repentance isn’t just about feeling bad for what happened. It involves a genuine commitment to change behavior moving forward. When your child starts to take steps toward making better choices, it’s a sign that they’re experiencing true heart change.
How to Foster True Repentance in Your Home
While we can’t force our children to change their hearts, we can create an environment that fosters true repentance. One of the most important things we can do is model repentance ourselves. When we make a mistake, it’s crucial to admit it and ask for forgiveness. This teaches our children that repentance is a normal and necessary part of the Christian life.
Here is a simple five-step process to help guide your child through repentance:
- Confess What They Did: Encourage your child to be specific. For example, they might say, “I hit you” or “I lied to you.” Naming the action helps them take responsibility.
- Acknowledge That They Were Wrong: Teach your child to say, “I was wrong.” It may seem simple, but this is often the hardest part. Acknowledging wrongdoing is a powerful step toward humility and change.
- Express Regret: Saying “I’m sorry” should come with genuine regret. Help your child understand that apologizing means they feel sad about the pain they caused someone else.
- Ask for Forgiveness: Encourage your child to ask the person they’ve wronged, “Will you please forgive me?” This can be hard, especially if the other person is still upset. Give them the space to respond when they are ready.
- Commit to Change: Repentance is more than words; it’s a commitment to making better choices in the future. Teach your child to say, “I’m going to ask God to help me change this behavior.”
The Long-Term Impact of True Repentance
Parenting with a focus on repentance takes time and intentionality. We can’t expect our children to get it right overnight, but each conversation and teaching moment helps them grow spiritually. The time we invest in these moments will reap rewards, both in this life and in their walk with God.
The process of repentance is not just about correcting behavior—it’s about guiding our children to experience the grace and forgiveness that comes through Jesus. As they learn to confess their sins and ask for forgiveness, they’ll be building a foundation of faith that will last a lifetime.
Practical Tips for Intentional Parenting
If you’re looking for more ways to be intentional in your parenting, we encourage you to check out our book Visionary Parenting. In it, we share more about how biblical principles can shape the way you disciple your children. You can start reading a free sample by visiting visionaryfam.com.
If you’d like to hear more on this topic, visit visionaryfam.com/podcast for the full companion episode on true repentance and how it applies to your family.
Remember, helping your child develop true repentance is a long-term journey, but it’s one of the most important steps you can take to nurture their relationship with God. Let’s commit to walking this path together, equipping our children to understand the freedom and joy that comes from living a life of repentance and grace.
